Where is Home?

Cornbread & Buttermilk in an ice cold glass! Pure Bliss. I'm sure this sounds odd to most but for me, it takes me straight into a time warp right back to my childhood. Since I come from a broken home, as a child that resulted in a very nomadic life for my sister and I, but all within a 30 mile radius on Planet Alabama. Between my mother's family, father's family & stepmother's family, aunts, uncles, cousins and family friends we never tired of our scenery since we spent so much time at so many homes. No matter where I lived or slept, home base was always my great-grandparents house. Even though my great-grandmother has been gone for over 20 years and my great-grandfather is trapped in his own mind living in a nursing home, I still consider this the only true home I have ever known. My great-grandmother always was and always will be the most influential person in my life. There is not a day that passes that I don't think of her and wonder what she thinks of me and the decisions I have made in my life. I still cry for her. I own a great home but it's in a town I have never considered mine. Although I have been here for 20 years I still don't feel as if this is where I belong. I even still feel a strong resentment towards my mother for the selfish reasons she brought us here. It's a buried and diluted feeling since I try to balance it with the fact that I would not know the people I know and love now and I wouldn't have my child, but it's there. If we had stayed, I might have a child but it wouldn't be the one I have now and this Sweet Child o' Mine is my reason for living most days. Over these years, I would spend every school break & summers doing my Alabama shuffle and this is when I felt alive. During my turbulent early teen years, I spent a year living with family there. Even now, every vacation or 3 day weekend I try to make my way home. Time has not been kind to my extended family. Divorce, death, marriages, bad decisions, and moves have caused a greater distance between us than just miles. I try to do my part to stay involved with everyone even if it is just once every few years. My love for these people has never wavered and I hope theirs for me hasn't either. I know that most people want to go home or revisit their childhoods. Some of the places on my "home map" have changed so much over the years that I don't recognize them or feel a connection anymore but my memories remain and that will have to be enough. I don't really know where I'm going with this post or where I wanted to go. I'm not happy with it. I don't feel good about it. I don't know what you can take from it. I have so much I want to say and could say. I don't know where to start or how to make you appreciate the complicated yet simplistic dynamics of my humble beginnings. All I can say is that I am the result of 40-50 people that had a hand in my upbringing and I wouldn't change that for the world.